She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
