there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
