it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
