i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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