He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They took my balls.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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