Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
