This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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