I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
