i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
