Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
