just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she peed on how many people?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
