some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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