the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize