i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
