Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
worst night to have a conscience
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
