Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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