R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
