Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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