I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize