oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
