FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
