We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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