I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i came on her dog
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
