I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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