9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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