He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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