I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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