If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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