I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
