Your face is a jimmy john
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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