woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
