maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
