seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
