IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
