this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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