I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
