its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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