There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
do nipples grow back?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
