i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
