She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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