I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize