i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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