wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
