Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
