I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
