Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
