I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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