quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
