so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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