Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
