I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
