Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Michael Bay diarrhea
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
