my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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