I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
