you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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