Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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