just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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