Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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