I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
