He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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